Girl Proverbial

Screen Shot 2017-07-05 at 1.43.48 AMWe’ve all had that first love. That all consuming “it’s you and me till the end of the world” and cue the wedding bells kind of love. I mean shit, if you got to your mid-20s without falling for this girl or that girl somewhere along the way then can you say you’ve really lived, man?

 So here’s how it starts, because usually we’re all a little eager and at some point coming in hot with negative 200 experience. Back when dating wasn’t so much “You know you’re kinda cute ;)” and more “Damn, bro that girl’s hot” but you never got up the courage to even ask for her name. Yes, my man, I’m talking about that green minty freshman college love. Don’t hate now, you know we’ve all been there,

Enter the proverbial girl, right? She’s got an ass so fine it’s got its own gravitational pull. A smile that’s like goddamn sunshine. Like nothing bad can ever happen with that smile. Makes you wanna write all the corny love letters and quote fucking Rumi. That’s not all though, ‘cause to top it off, girl is smarter than you. She’s got brains like you wouldn’t believe. You could listen to her talk all day and never get tired of it. Think back to your first love and tell me you didn’t place her fine ass on a pedestal too.

You, my boy, what do you do? What do you do with a girl like that? You romance her, you befriend her. You say, Hey, wanna hangout someday? Wanna go get lunch? Get coffee? Wanna come over and “study?” You’re out of your depth, threading water here but you sure did try and before you know it, girl’s over at your place or you’re at her place and you might have been friends before but you sure as hell are more than that now.

This is the first love though. The first great tidal wave of emotion that will sweep through your young adult life and leave carnage in its wake. The reason it is first is because it isn’t the last.

You have your honeymoon period sure. Everything cool, girl blows your mind every day. You’re just so lucky to have her, right? Then you get a job and start spending less time with her, or she suddenly has a new best guy friend she can’t get enough of. Maybe you graduate and move away. Maybe she starts calling you every two hours “just to check in.” Or maybe she doesn’t call. Maybe she stops calling at all.

Maybe she stops picking up the phone.

Maybe when she does pick up, it’s only to say “Sorry, I’ll talk to you later.”

It doesn’t matter. Or does it? The point is that something happened. Something always happens. And that first great love you had? It wasn’t so great after that.

Pack up your bags, you’re done. Your friends will clap you on the back and say you deserved better. You’ll say you deserve better. And because this is a modern day love story (and because you said you deserve better) you wipe her out. You delete, you unfollow, you archive, you block or relabel as “do not pick up,” “the ex,” or “do not call.” You pick apart the life you almost shared and se-pa-rate.
You move on.

Fast forward a couple months or a year and you’re back at it again. Same story, different girl(s). It’s not a classroom, it’s a bar. It’s not lunch, it’s not even dinner, it’s after midnight and this time you don’t even hesitate, you just kiss her.

Does her smile remind you of anything though?
Does it make you believe in god?
Does it make you want to quote fucking Rumi?

Afterwards, you will compare the silhouette of her body to Girl Proverbial and find that you’re okay with the difference. You’re okay with this, but are you happy?

Perhaps. Possibly. All signs point to yes.
She makes you laugh, and she takes you out on cute dinner dates. She almost never says no when you need something and most importantly, she picks up the phone. She doesn’t go through yours. You think to yourself, “Man, what have I been missing out on?” New girl’s got you so good you start planning kids and a family only this time it actually feels realistic.
So alright dude, jackpot. She’s the one, right?


Got me fooled too.


2 thoughts on “Girl Proverbial

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