She smiles but her eyes drift off to the side. Don’t make fun of me, she says. Don’t you judge me.
I’m not. I swear I’m not. But you can’t help the look on your face and because you’re not that smooth you say nothing else.
It makes you seem like a liar but how can you tell her that the sight of her makes your heart thump a million miles an hour in your chest?
So she continues telling you about her day and you listen only half and half, your mind a revolving record playing How did I get this lucky?
Because something’s gotta give, something’s gotta give. No girl can be this good and you’re not suave enough to keep her around anyway. Skinny bitch with no money, no class, and barely enough morals to wipe the floor with. No mujer with enough sense would be interested in you and you know it even if she doesn’t.
Dangle your legs off the bed. Brace against the rails.
She asks What’s wrong? Why so quiet?
You could say Nothing.
You could say I just want to find a girl who isn’t “here to experiment.”
You could say What does it take in this town to find a girl who isn’t hung up on her ex and texting 5 other chicks at the same time?
You could say The last girl I was in love with ended up fucking my brother.
But you coward, you selfish piece of shit, you won’t open up for anybody. Not even the beautiful girl who’s too good to be true.
Nothing. Long day. You smile lazily like it’s the easiest thing no effort required.
I’m just tired.